Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
