me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
whose ass print is on the piano?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
