smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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