She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
