we have officially lost it.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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