No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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