I wish I could punch you in the face.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
