I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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