why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
