You smell like stripper and shame
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
