this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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