no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
50% drunk capacity currently
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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