I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize