So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Randomize
