We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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