I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
