I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
