I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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