I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
