she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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