oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
