I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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