90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Holy sore nipples Batman
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
