Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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