I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
