He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
