Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
