First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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