i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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