the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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