Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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