I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
