I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
