he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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