Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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