Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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