Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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