We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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