SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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