she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
