that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
well you can't waste a boner
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
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Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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