I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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