that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
