I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
