Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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