My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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