Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
