she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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