Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
