your parents love me but you hate me
I could make wine with my vomit
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
