can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
