All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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