At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My vagina is officially offended.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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