I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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