was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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