with your own penis?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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