That's when you crack a 10am beer
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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