Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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