I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
