like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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