Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
