: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I faked an abortion last night.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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