he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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