wanna go halves on a baby?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
