It's like God shit irony all over that family
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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