trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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