And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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