i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
