Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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