I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
