remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
MIDGETS
????
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
