is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
