this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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