gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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