You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
