"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
